I imagine there are two types of people out there who may be reading this. Ones who have experienced cancer closely in their lives, and ones who haven't. In either case, I have decided NOT to share what I hate about cancer (the list is long, for one reason). If you are one who has dealt closely with cancer, you probably don't need the reminder of when you cried so much your eyes were dry and irritated for days. Or when you were so consumed with worry, fear, turmoil, you couldn't sleep at night- for days. If you are one who hasn't experienced cancer, you may feel as I once did- a heartache for one you love, admire, or even just know casually. No matter what your reason for reading this, one thing is for certain- there really is no point in sharing the bad news. You've either "been there, done that" or you are one who doesn't ever want to go there, do that.
Someday, when I look back, I hope to remember most the things that I love about cancer, and I'm pretty sure it will be easily recalled. Just to be sure, though, I'll record just a few here. I know there is no way I could list everything, since my list grows each day, even if it's just in one small way.
I love the nearly 3 month vacation I got from cooking all summer (wonderful women who gladly brought in meals 3x a week with enough left overs that I really never had to cook!). I loved to hear "I made a donation to the cancer society in your name and brought your family these LIVESTRONG bracelets." I love the hugs, even tears that were shared from so very many friends and family. I loved the clean house I was graced with a few times from the love of family and great friends. I love the new baby trees that my dad planted in our yard- our summer of cancer trees. As they grow and thrive, so will our family. A daily reminder for me that I truly love to see. I love Pitman High, or more particularly, the staff at PHS. Bobby has said so many times recently how much he loves everyone in his department and what "awesome people they are!" I love my dear friends, boss, and fellow employees at Turlock Fitness Club. When word got out about our family I was overcome with an outpouring of support- in so many ways. I love that I could go to work, and somehow turn off my brain for one hour to "escape" and no one ever complained about my lousy classes during that difficult time. I love the new quilt my aunt made for Bobby, which we use frequently and always think of her love and generosity. I love friends who shared their "been there, done that" tips on getting through chemo and radiation. I loved the family and friends who searched the internet for answers... something I really hated doing. I love friends who present us with gift cards for Jamba Juice (Bobby's current source of nutrition for getting through the day) or for restaurants for "whenever he can enjoy food again." I love the medical staff and doctors who treat Bobby so well, and always address our concerns with great care. I love the research that is being done every day to improve Bobby's and millions of others' chances for a cure. I love that Trina and Brent were brave enough to take 7 children under the age of 12 camping for a couple days so my kids could have ONE fun outing this summer. I love the friends and neighbors who stepped in and said things like "I'll give the kids a ride" or "Don't worry about Cub Scouts, I'll take over until you're ready" or "Do you need anything from Costco?" Simple acts mean so much. I love the many cards that were sent, the prayers offered, the emails, comments left here on the blog, etc. Rarely did I respond (please forgive me!), but ALWAYS did I appreciate. I love the tender prayers of my children as they remember their daddy is sick. I love the joyous outburst from Kaymbria on Sept. 30, "Mom! Daddy's going back to work!" I LOVE to hear them laugh and giggle with him again... the sweetest sound that I have missed for SO long! I love that my mom, dad, and Deb, who shared our load the most, never made us feel like they were burdened too. I love our caring bishop who took time out of his busy schedule to check in on Bobby several times. I love the spiritual experiences that have strengthened me beyond anything I thought possible. And most profound, is my love for Bobby. I thought I loved him 17 years ago while we were dating. I thought my love had deepened even more 15 years ago when we married. 12 years ago when our first baby was born I thought "how could I love him even more?" Eight more years, and 3 more babies found me asking that same question time and time again. Now here we are, traveling a road that we never anticipated, and I am amazed to discover that somehow, it is possible to love him even more.
